Why must I give up?

Amidst the crowd it's hardly normal for one to be fixated upon a single entity,
As cinematic as it sounds, The ground reality is far from ideal.
The buzz in the air falls behind to the rhythm of the heart,
As anxiety creeps in with a rush of adrenaline.
The excitement of connecting with someone-
After you were put to shame the last time it happened.
It pushes you to limits and yet I chose to stay, to try!

Life differs from fiction and that’s why it's the reality.
Looking into someone eyes,
Feeling the same blunder of emotions you once did?
Now that’s excitingly scary!
The name rolled down my tongue with such efficiency,
The night felt so short,
Yet what we shared didn’t feel new but rather familiar.
There was that comfort in the depth of my heart,
One lost far ahead of its time only to be caught in the moment.

I lost myself in their rhythm, following the spark that I thought was mutual.
'Time heals, with time you learn and it takes time'.
All the phrases i have heard and thought that the concept of time’s valid;
but in that very moment, It all shattered and all that was left was me with them and the boundation of time that didn't seem to exist for me.
But it did!
That very boundary of time, The heaviness of my own emotions,
All that constructed my very being, scared him.

All too soon it happened, Impulsive even.
What disrespect i heard of my being as i stood on the edge of the cliff,
Nothing shall become of this is all I heard and I felt that same tug on my soul.
Not that i recognised it then but when i did, it hurt me.
Same thing, All over again.
Though the person at least seemed new but to the subconscious it wasn't,
The comfort was nostalgic, as if that wasn’t enough to break me?
The scar it made was similar to the ones that hadn’t healed yet.

Numbing myself, I tend to overpour into the depths of one's soul;
The vulnerability which i seek to hide comes amidst the crowd;
and it happens when I think ‘Why must I give up?’
So I don’t but they do, Everytime.