BACKWARD WALKING

A five-minute backward walk
Can help your brain
The therapist scribbled it
I struggled to swallow it.

One step at a time
I walked backwards
Scared I would hit the wall
Worse, stumble and break myself.

But true, it did help
Not initially though
The ghosts came first
Raj being the first.

The cries in the bedroom,
The chores within the cuboid
The walk gave me shivers
But the clock ticked away, in reverse.

I kept walking backwards
To pastures now dried up
Past flowers that failed to bloom
And flowers that wilted away.

Laughter at the desks, behind screens
Baby cries echoing behind
Black flags flying at half-mast
Bodies melting in the sun like ice cream.

Smiles fading, twisted hands forced apart
Two hearts ripped away
To remain in the boxes sorted by birth
Walking backwards is to love again.

But once I started
I couldn’t stop walking
Past cupboards of dolls and medals
Doodled books and worn-out shoes.

The scenery is beautiful mostly
Though dull patches stretch out too
But I keep walking, and walking
For she said, walking backwards is good.

Past gatherings, crowds and mobs
A little girl with braces and specs
Smiles gently in every frame
As I criss-cross lanes of pain and gain.

But slowly I see light
Light at the end of the path
A way to get out
Not through the front, but from behind.

I realize I can be free again
To start anew
Going reverse does make sense
To let go and choose a new path.

“Are you better?” she asks me two weeks later
Much, I smile.
I’m at the end of my backward walking
Onto a new path now. The old one just ended.