A House for Mr Biswas

Mr Biswas lived in a house, ancient and decrepit,
Not a day passed by when he didn't regret it;
Stuck in the gullies of Purana Qila,
He dreamt of owning a golf course villa,
A lot less dingy, with a lot more aesthetic!

The brick walls were scabbing with efflorescence,
And timber beams were sagging with putrescence,
Each part of the house was ailing,
The electric wiring was failing;
And the furniture gave out a ghastly stench;

Each year, the carpet area seemed to shrink some more,
The sofa needed shifting to open the almirah door;
Mr Biswas, his four kids and wife Shama,
Lived a life of adjustments and family drama;
Putting up the in-laws shook their house to its core!

The gutters overflowed, neck-deep, during monsoons,
Out floated paper boats, people and their patloons.
Roaches, lizards and ants could be found,
Living rent-free in the house all year round;
The summers saw a power cut in broad afternoons;

Their street swamped with hawkers and commuters;
It took Mr Biswas thirty minutes to park his scooter;
When his eldest son failed the metric examination,
Owing to the surrounding chaos and commotion,
Mr Biswas vowed to relocate in the immediate future.

He searched all over Delhi in a frenzy,
For a house that was modern, chic and trendy,
Rooted in 'Firmitas, Utilitas, Venustas',
Also complying with the Vastu Shastras;
A house that would spark his in-laws' envy!

With a league of brokers, Mr Biswas set out to explore,
A spacious home with a grand interior decor;
Suddenly he came across, one lucky night,
A duplex that was just about right:
With 3D panelled walls and Italian marble floors;

The ‘No Objection Certificate’ took another year,
All the 'extra charges' sure cost him dear!
Finally, after shelling out millions of bucks:
The Biswas family was moving out in a truck,
With their real estate woes receding in the rear.

But alas! Their happiness soon hit the ground,
They found their house stood by a dumpster mound,
Their furniture and fixtures lay broken,
The sanitary wares had all been stolen,
And their brokers were nowhere to be found;

The plumbing gurgled all day long,
The hollowed walls were far from strong,
The pillars cracked from side to side,
The ceiling slab split open wide;
Their best-laid plans went terribly wrong!

Even though a huge financial loss was incurred,
The entire family tried to remain undeterred;
But maintaining a house with flaws this big,
Was like applying lipstick to a pig;
Mr Biswas is still searching for a house, last I heard;