The Cupboard

The golden A on the book shone in the dark while Ma screamed and screamed. What came after A for Apple...

I heard them drag her, and then there was a thud, and a crash. Someone laughed, someone cried and someone said “Silence, you … bad word!”

Ma had told me that morning not to say it. “Ay Raju, Raju beta, you saale, silence, silence, don’t say saala.”

Ma was beautiful like a film star. I thought of her big, black eyes, face like chocolate, teeth like milk and shining, shining oil in her hair. She put lots of kajal, lots of red on her lips and then carefully pulled her pallu down till her neck, so that no one would see her face.

There was a slap, slap, slap, and a shout, and bad word, bad word, bad word, while she screeeaaaaaamed, and my goat bleated and my heart shouted and a man shouted and a man groaned and he moaned. Then Ma stopped screaming, and there was a choky, gurgling, mmmmm, mmmm. Ma, Ma… I hugged my legs closer.

Just this morning I had seen those three men. They looked dirty and a bit wild, with red eyes and chewy, chewy, fat mouths.

Ma had told Bapu that they had followed her. “Array, pull your veil down. Don’t show your face, besharam,” Bapu said and raised his hand.

Ma ducked and backed. “What do you mean? I never show my face. But I think they are Thakurji’s men, from the village.”

Bapu’s eyes widened. “Let’s get out of here,” he muttered. “I will wangle that new house.”

I was excited. A new house? Maybe it would be like H for House in my beautiful English book. But how could I leave fifth class now, I wondered.

There was a grunting, and groaning, and crying, and laughing and cursing. My body ached, my throat felt dry and hard. My fingers were cold, my hand was stiff. I just had to move. I tried to straighten my back, and found, to my surprise, that I could. I could straighten my back, even stand in the cupboard. I stood. I began to stretch my hands.

She screaaaammmedddd again. It hit me, made me buckle and double over. That had happened because I stretched, I snarled at myself. I sat with a quick thud, and hugged my legs, tighter, tighter. My heart beat so loud, my breath was coming in jagged gasps so hard, but I could not cry. My throat squeeeeeezed and snapped shut.

Hey Shivji, hey Bhole Naath, save Ma, help her, stop her screaming. I will break coconuts on five Mondays, Shivji. I will never say saala, I promised.

I prayed, prayed. I whispered my entire assembly prayer. I sang the full Jana gana mana...

Suddenly there was silence. Such silence. Why? Are you dead, Ma? I wanted to shout, but no, silence, hush, hush, Ma had said, when she had pushed me into the cupboard. Quiet, quiet, Raju. Now say something, Ma. Scream, please scream. You, man, hit her, make her scream. What happened, Ma? Oh Ma, why so silent?

When I opened my eyes my head hurt badly and the light hit me. He doesn’t say a thing, Bapu was rubbing me and rasping. “What happened, Raju? Oh Raju, why so silent?”