Everything I am, until I’m not

Why am I so short, when my parents are above 5’6?
Why am I so dumb, when my mom used to be the topper? 
Why do I score so less in English, when I’m an exceptional writer, right?
Why do I always cry, even in the most unnecessary situations?
Why do I always lose friends and get talked bad on instead of gaining new friends and receiving praise?

My face glows like the moon, yet somehow puberty always dulls it down.
My aura shouts confidence, until it’s time to be in a classroom with people I’ve known since a decade.
My advice embodies wisdom, until my guy friend labels it as show off - just because I got a C in math.
I never make people feel lonely, until my close friend tells me they’re better off.
I’m multi talented, but when I’m off the school bus, I hit the bed - and don’t even accomplish 10% of what I had planned. 
I’m ambitious unlike most of my peers, until the girl with the loud friend group wins an international essay contest.
I have the perfect body for 14, until I realise my knees are touching but my feet are not. 
I’m attractive to boys, until they find out I talk beyond parties and people.  
But still, I’m ugly to boys, because I have big cheekbones and a weird diamond shaped face.
I’m annoying and cringe, but I threw that surprise party as a gesture of love for my best friend.
I’m a pushover, until I finally take a stand for myself - only to be called a rebel. 
Girls compliment my hairstyle, until the hairdresser calls it cheap and greasy.
Everyone wants to hangout with me, until the girl with a white skin, sweet voice, and a boyfriend starts spreading rumours about me.
Despite my best efforts in the audition, the kid with the British accent gets selected to deliver the speech.
If I’m a quiet kid, then why are my messages always left on read? Why am I told to suppress my feelings when I overshare? 

I wish I could raise my hand in physics class, instead of cramming a 5 page test into just 2.
I wish I could read and comprehend a book as fast as my classmates, and shut my overthinking mind.
I wish people could just talk to me with a purpose, than using me for trauma-dumping or getting the test answers. 
I wish I could live up to the standards which I had once set rather than letting the world crush me with their insecurities and judgements.

And more than anything,
I wish I could stop being a loner who’s always lost in her own city of stars, wondering how to rewrite them?