Some of us arrive at the idea of fidelity to our own selves too late. We masquerade around parties, performing our part, drinking the tea that we find too bitter but never saying a word as if the slightest idea of self-expression would be outrageous and unforgivable, a punishment we cannot repent our way out of but what we don’t realise is that it’s not that easy.
The very idea of “destroying and betraying yourself for nothing”, famously attributed to Dostoevsky, is something that applies to all of us. You, me, the stranger that passed you by on the local train, we are all destroying and betraying ourselves for nothing around here, you’re not special. Realising the consequences of it is another story. You stop enjoying the things you like, you suddenly start to shut yourself out and before you can realise, the people you’ve known all your life are doing so much better than you while you are reading off the cereal box that you bought for dinner because you have no energy to cook again. To stop letting life pass you by, you have to decide that you are running with the world instead of the world running against you. Maybe then the nights won’t seem so harsh and unforgiving to you.
Slowly you will start building trust in yourself and with that trust you can do anything.