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2

Poetry

Knots and nooses

Nandita Dutta

You weep at her leaving. I rejoice.
I break free from shackles of the years
You look to the years to forge bonds.
You send forth links of forget-me-nots, 
cables of gold, purls of the homespun sweater
and I run from the iron claws.

You want to know more, learn more
I want to unsee, overlook, forget.
Holding grudges for me 
is like holding hands is for you
simple, effortless, obvious. 

Your big heart is your superpower 
mine is a burden, a chore,
a job to do, a great expectation 
I clamber to close its chambers. 
You open your arteries as love gushes out
unencumbered, manic, frantic
as my petals close for the night, 
you are waking up, looking for a big sun. 

You stop to smell the roses, I can only
smell the thorny metal of sweat and scars
wanting to be like you
from afar, very far
while I hold you close.
You're the chain of links,
For me, I prefer chainmail.

You are not my grudge
I can't stop you from your bright eyes
I can't stop your outstretched arms.
But I won't disown my grudges
as closely held as I held you
or hide the metallic, bloody smells with floral sprays

I don't want it touch you though,
I want to be one taking the blows
so you can breeze about 
at your own dreamy unhurry.
I steeled up so you can be weak, or woke
or whatever in between. 

Your kindness justifies my kind.
You're a voice - not just your own
voice born of silences
I can you hold you up while you speak,
your music soothes, 
all melody and harmony 
it even calms my death metal
your garden blooms even in my metal soil.

I am only a vessel
but when I contain you, I don't break.
Only I can't contain you
I will pour you out.
I contained you, but you freed me,
I need only me, and maybe you need me
but the world needs you.

With every link you put out
you unlink one step away
and it's okay. 

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