i am still stuck in 10th
waiting
for life to begin.
i cant believe that im in college
and ive been in college for 2yrs.
i was forced to grow up.
i was/ am not ready to let go
let go of that inner child whos
craving for some love and care.
im not saying that i wasnt loved or
cared for,
it just wasnt enough.
i lost the last stages of my childhood;
it was taken away from me.
the time when i was to start my life, become an adult and take responsibility;
it was stolen and never be retrieved/ reclaimed

im not blaming anyone
it IS my fault and my fault only that
i didn't/ couldn't do the stuff that i was supposed to do.
but how can i fully blame myself?
i was a kid,
a 16 yr old, not so mature, kid who didn't know much about the world.
i was just stepping out into this massive, cruel world, without any warnings.
how can you expect that kid to just know everything and be?

i am still that kid, stuck, waiting
for someone or something
to rescue me
to help me out of this
this drowning, dark dark pit
thats forcing me down further every second.

i realize/ understand that I
am gonna HAVE to become that someone
and FIND that something
to help myself out of this darkness.
and that i CANNOT expect anyone to
understand or help me
be with me
when i am struggling to myself.