I've always repelled people
I don't know why I don't know if it is something with me or others but I never attract people towards me
Hell I don't even know if it is my looks, nature or personality that repels them, I just know that I repel people.
But why? What is so fundamentally unlikeable about me?
Whenever I ask myself that question only one answer comes to my mind-My weight
Slim, curvy, in shape everyone wants that. They pretend to stand against body shame yet they don't hesitate to do so behind your back.
Nobody wants to be friends with an obese girl. They don't want to date her or take her to meet family.
No they just find it amusing how the fat girl tries so hard to fit in, in clothes or people.
But I can't
I can no longer pretend I'm not hurting
I can no longer pretend I'm okay
That this isn't affecting me
Because it is!
I'm tired of never feeling like I belong, of feeling so helpless, so alone, so goddam lonely.
But what other choice do I have other than not to try to fit in
It isn't like I can expect them to come to me
I repel people remember?