Something that through all these years I’ve heard, exhausted of the same words, an implicit phrase between their lines.. that in my head, inevitably stuck…
How I’m always either somewhat less or a little too much..
A tad too shy, not enough to hold her ground and stay, and at times louder than life, grabbing attention away..
a bit too much of a prude in situations, self involved, stubborn in her ways…
and so often a pushover, stale water in the paint bowl scrambling to change colours to fit in, always an if I may..
Or a bit much of a clinger, heart on sleeve, blush embarrassingly visible on the cheeks,
And then way much cold stoned on occasions, face devoid of emotion, a show of ruthlessness they ask, to hide how you’re weak?
A bit too awkward, not enough lively, a tad much heady, could be more authentic and stop being so frilly, loves too much, settles for too less.. god, she’s such a mess..
that’s what I’ve always heard, exhausted of the same words, How I’m always either somewhat less or a little too much..
Until I came across certain gems in life who had me look for myself again, beyond the persona I’d build, the multiple bandages I’d stuck..
with whom I realised, I’m the first fickle ray of the summer sun, like freshly bloomed lavenders with a rose or two in the midst, a pretty bunch, a classic beatles album, forgotten maybe but never replaced, a concoction of bitter coffee beans and the sweetest cream, that heavenly cup of Vietnamese..
made me realise, I’m in no way less and never too much… but in any case and always.. just enough